Workin' on TBNL

Christian just called me. It wasn't a normal call about bills or Jake or something funky that's happened at work. This time it was to tell me that she had ordered our baby daddy. Holy crap! The doctor's appointments, the picking of the baby daddy, talking about TBNL over and over, each and every day, it was all exciting and nerve wracking, but actually knowing that we now have little swimmers is different. Great different. It's happening.

I think it started the minute Jill was born. Carrying her around, holding her when I wasn't that much bigger than she was. Wanting to babysit before I knew what babysitting really was. I would read "The Babysitter's Club" books and it seemed like such a glamorous life. I carried "Ugly Baby," as grandpa called him, around everywhere. Mom bought me real diapers and baby clothes that I could dress my babies up in. It's been inside of me for so long. Wanting a family of my own. Wanting to have babies with the one person that makes me the happiest. The realization that the process is starting is extraordinary.

I can't wait and at the same time I'm trying to keep my hopes a little bit realistic. It may not take the first time, or the second. It may take lots and lots of time. But right now i'm happy. I'm happy that baby daddy was ordered. And not just enough for one baby, but hopefully enough for two. Only time will tell what is in store for us.

There are a million and two thoughts flying through my head but I just realized that the dogs are quiet and with a Christmas tree and cookies on the counter, this can't be a good thing.

A parting thought is that i'm kind of glad shoulder surgery is next week so that I will have something, PAIN, to focus on for a little bit. I'm doing a bit of obsessing.