Post Op

For the first time since my surgery I am able to type like a normal person, with two hands. I got a wireless keyboard for Christmas and can put it on my lap and not have to move my shoulder too much. Which is great because there is no moving of the shoulder. It hurts. It hurts all of the time. I'm not taking any painkillers or anti-inflammatory because I had our first IUI last week! Waiting and waiting to take a test to see if the first time took. Lots going on right now. But, at the moment, i'm thrilled that I found a way to type!

Surgery

Friday was shoulder surgery day. I was nervous but put at ease knowing Christian would be by my side for the entire process. She has been beyond amazing. Not since my mom has someone cared and done so much for me. It is overwhelming sometimes. She is more than I could ever have asked for. She threw a great Christmas party last night. Devotees the house, entertained, and still found time to make sure I was ok.

Today was really rough. Lots of pain and nausea. After a few calls to the doc I think we've gotten it under control. Well, she has. Sandra was amazing and made me chicken and dumplings. It has been the only thing today thy I could keep down.

Really, I am amazed at how loved I am by those around me.

Workin' on TBNL

Christian just called me. It wasn't a normal call about bills or Jake or something funky that's happened at work. This time it was to tell me that she had ordered our baby daddy. Holy crap! The doctor's appointments, the picking of the baby daddy, talking about TBNL over and over, each and every day, it was all exciting and nerve wracking, but actually knowing that we now have little swimmers is different. Great different. It's happening.

I think it started the minute Jill was born. Carrying her around, holding her when I wasn't that much bigger than she was. Wanting to babysit before I knew what babysitting really was. I would read "The Babysitter's Club" books and it seemed like such a glamorous life. I carried "Ugly Baby," as grandpa called him, around everywhere. Mom bought me real diapers and baby clothes that I could dress my babies up in. It's been inside of me for so long. Wanting a family of my own. Wanting to have babies with the one person that makes me the happiest. The realization that the process is starting is extraordinary.

I can't wait and at the same time I'm trying to keep my hopes a little bit realistic. It may not take the first time, or the second. It may take lots and lots of time. But right now i'm happy. I'm happy that baby daddy was ordered. And not just enough for one baby, but hopefully enough for two. Only time will tell what is in store for us.

There are a million and two thoughts flying through my head but I just realized that the dogs are quiet and with a Christmas tree and cookies on the counter, this can't be a good thing.

A parting thought is that i'm kind of glad shoulder surgery is next week so that I will have something, PAIN, to focus on for a little bit. I'm doing a bit of obsessing.

Dogs and TV

I've realized I can't have the "Dog Whisperer" on while i'm working at my computer if the dogs are inside. The barking freaks them out and gets them into a tizzy. Today while eating my sandwich for lunch I turned on the tv. "Marley and Me" had just started and although I don't want to watch the entire thing I kept it on. One scene the puppy is running down the beach. The dogs had been watching it since they heard the whimpering. Maggie watched the puppy run across the screen and then when the puppy left the screen she went around the corner to look for him. Needless to say, she was confused.

Lately

I'm sitting here while three people clean the house around me. Someone cleaning the bathroom counters 20 feet away, someone vacuuming in the living room and I can hear the stove being taken apart getting all of the splatters from our yummy chicken tacos last night. I figured now was as good of time as any to update my blog. I have a rough life, I know.

Jill is coming to visit on Thursday for the Austin City Limits Music Festival. I am very excited. I haven't seen her since this summer when we were home for Jenn's wedding and then she was busy with Bridesmaid things. So it will be nice to have some time with her.

Last weekend I went to Christian's nephew's flag football game. Fifteen feet away from me was Max. It was surreal. I've never lost someone super close to me, but when the kids were taken from me it felt like a death. I never saw them or heard from them. I only had pictures that were frozen in time. Seeing Max was like seeing someone come back to life. He was taller and his hair was longer but he was the same kid. It was strange. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know what to do. He looked at me, but I don't think he really saw me. It was nice to have C to talk it all out with. She gets it.

Other than that, not too much happening. I'm loving my life. It's been a long time since i've had that feeling. And Wednesday marks a year of greatness. Not being a fan of surprises i'm a little anxious about what is planned, but as long as i'm with Christian, i'll be happy.

Yup, i'm sappy. That's what happens.

Boundaries...

Why don't people have them? It's amazing to me how people don't think about what they are doing before they do it.

I typically would post this on facebook, but facebook has become a breeding ground for cliques, bullying, opinions & overall ridiculousness. So I will post to the emptiness that is the internet.

People need some boundaries. Maybe we should be teaching our children about boundaries in school instead of arguing about evolution and God. I think it would get them further in life.

Baby TBNL

My brain moves a hundred million miles a second. Lately, it's been circling around one thought and one thought only. Baby TNBL. I feel myself wanting to wait and not knowing why. I am ready. I don't know if i've ever been more ready for anything. Christian is ready. We were in the car yesterday and with school starting I wondered if this would be the last time we went school shopping without Baby TBNL.

Really?

Jake just came to the command center and said, "Krob, can we please stop by a donut place, i'm DYING for a donut."

Is he kidding! Why must he constantly challenge my weakness for donuts! This child never asks for a donut.

The Challenge

Life has been lived at an incredibly happy rate lately. Things could not be going much better. With happiness and a complete comfort of one's life comes fried food and lots of it. This is my theory at least. So, in an effort to create a less happy life (happiness = fried goodness), we have cut out all bad food and started a challenge with Reggie and Spanky (Amanda). It is an 8 week weight loss challenge.

Christian and I have a trainer that we meet with 3 times a week. This is week one and I can barely feel my legs and when I look into the foyer, where Maggie and Lola like to gut their toys, my legs ache from the thought of bending over to pick the piles of stuffing off of the floor. The worst part is that this is only after TWO sessions. Her name is Jenny and I think under her polite, nice exterior lies a woman who greatly enjoys watching others suffer. Not only am I up at 7a, we have an hour of non-stop activity. Lift, jump, squat, lung, pass, and repeat. The end result will be fantastic. Having the ability to just go do a long bike ride or triathlon would be nice.

We are fighting through the pain and exhaustion because we know what the end holds in store.

Hilarious!

Christian and I started cracking up last night when we heard this song. Couldn't resist.

Realizations

Throughout life people come and go. The most difficult ones to accept going are the ones that you truly thought were your friends. The ones that you would have done anything for. The ones that when people talked badly about them, you stood up for them. You understood where they were in life. The people that told you they were on your side and believed in you and thought you were a good person. These people are the ones that when you look from the outside you realize they weren't worth sticking up for because when the opportunity arises, they will jump ship and side with those who are as two faced as themselves.

Although it has been difficult to watch happen I am trying to be grateful for the learning experience. I feel sorry for my "friends" that are now surrounded by people who talked badly about them for years. Who spend their time with others that didn't understand their other friends or where they are from, and some of them were horrible to me, their "friend."

I am glad that I am growing. I am glad that I am learning. I am glad that I am honest and real and those are my expectations for all of the people I surround myself with in the future.