Collision Course

There was once a bad world. I lived there for too long. Full of lies and heartache and people that never could understand.

The new world is the best world ever. I am understood.

These two worlds shouldn't ever combine. Something like a science project. When you made a volcano with baking soda and vinegar. I'm sitting peacefully in my new world, or the baking soda as i'd like to think. Soon, i'm worried vinegar is going to be poured in and the worlds will collide. It's almost inevitable.

Hopefully the volcano is tame.

What?!

Jake gets into the car this afternoon when I pick him up from school and sitting at a light he sees "Save Barton Hills Elementary" on the back of a minivan. He scoffs and says "what?!" I explain that the city wants to close nine schools and that Barton Hills and Zilker are supporting each other and on the same side. He scoffs again and when I ask him what the problem is he says, "They don't have ANY homework at Barton Hills. I was working math problems and Barton Hills kids only had to read a few pages from a tiny book." Hope he doesn't tell all the other kids at Zilker about the homework scandal.

Post Op

For the first time since my surgery I am able to type like a normal person, with two hands. I got a wireless keyboard for Christmas and can put it on my lap and not have to move my shoulder too much. Which is great because there is no moving of the shoulder. It hurts. It hurts all of the time. I'm not taking any painkillers or anti-inflammatory because I had our first IUI last week! Waiting and waiting to take a test to see if the first time took. Lots going on right now. But, at the moment, i'm thrilled that I found a way to type!

Surgery

Friday was shoulder surgery day. I was nervous but put at ease knowing Christian would be by my side for the entire process. She has been beyond amazing. Not since my mom has someone cared and done so much for me. It is overwhelming sometimes. She is more than I could ever have asked for. She threw a great Christmas party last night. Devotees the house, entertained, and still found time to make sure I was ok.

Today was really rough. Lots of pain and nausea. After a few calls to the doc I think we've gotten it under control. Well, she has. Sandra was amazing and made me chicken and dumplings. It has been the only thing today thy I could keep down.

Really, I am amazed at how loved I am by those around me.

Workin' on TBNL

Christian just called me. It wasn't a normal call about bills or Jake or something funky that's happened at work. This time it was to tell me that she had ordered our baby daddy. Holy crap! The doctor's appointments, the picking of the baby daddy, talking about TBNL over and over, each and every day, it was all exciting and nerve wracking, but actually knowing that we now have little swimmers is different. Great different. It's happening.

I think it started the minute Jill was born. Carrying her around, holding her when I wasn't that much bigger than she was. Wanting to babysit before I knew what babysitting really was. I would read "The Babysitter's Club" books and it seemed like such a glamorous life. I carried "Ugly Baby," as grandpa called him, around everywhere. Mom bought me real diapers and baby clothes that I could dress my babies up in. It's been inside of me for so long. Wanting a family of my own. Wanting to have babies with the one person that makes me the happiest. The realization that the process is starting is extraordinary.

I can't wait and at the same time I'm trying to keep my hopes a little bit realistic. It may not take the first time, or the second. It may take lots and lots of time. But right now i'm happy. I'm happy that baby daddy was ordered. And not just enough for one baby, but hopefully enough for two. Only time will tell what is in store for us.

There are a million and two thoughts flying through my head but I just realized that the dogs are quiet and with a Christmas tree and cookies on the counter, this can't be a good thing.

A parting thought is that i'm kind of glad shoulder surgery is next week so that I will have something, PAIN, to focus on for a little bit. I'm doing a bit of obsessing.

Dogs and TV

I've realized I can't have the "Dog Whisperer" on while i'm working at my computer if the dogs are inside. The barking freaks them out and gets them into a tizzy. Today while eating my sandwich for lunch I turned on the tv. "Marley and Me" had just started and although I don't want to watch the entire thing I kept it on. One scene the puppy is running down the beach. The dogs had been watching it since they heard the whimpering. Maggie watched the puppy run across the screen and then when the puppy left the screen she went around the corner to look for him. Needless to say, she was confused.

Lately

I'm sitting here while three people clean the house around me. Someone cleaning the bathroom counters 20 feet away, someone vacuuming in the living room and I can hear the stove being taken apart getting all of the splatters from our yummy chicken tacos last night. I figured now was as good of time as any to update my blog. I have a rough life, I know.

Jill is coming to visit on Thursday for the Austin City Limits Music Festival. I am very excited. I haven't seen her since this summer when we were home for Jenn's wedding and then she was busy with Bridesmaid things. So it will be nice to have some time with her.

Last weekend I went to Christian's nephew's flag football game. Fifteen feet away from me was Max. It was surreal. I've never lost someone super close to me, but when the kids were taken from me it felt like a death. I never saw them or heard from them. I only had pictures that were frozen in time. Seeing Max was like seeing someone come back to life. He was taller and his hair was longer but he was the same kid. It was strange. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know what to do. He looked at me, but I don't think he really saw me. It was nice to have C to talk it all out with. She gets it.

Other than that, not too much happening. I'm loving my life. It's been a long time since i've had that feeling. And Wednesday marks a year of greatness. Not being a fan of surprises i'm a little anxious about what is planned, but as long as i'm with Christian, i'll be happy.

Yup, i'm sappy. That's what happens.